I, however, am just now taking it all in and realizing how much Miley Cyrus really made me stop and think.
So here is my issue with the entire performance (not that I didn't have issues with the foam finger, the nude bikini or drugged out teddy bears), my issue was her mothers standing ovation and praise for her daughter at the end! I mean this woman was really proud...but what exactly was she proud of I have to ask?
-Was she proud because her daughter has reached a level of stardom that only few will ever reach?
-Was she proud because as her mother the profits will most likely trickle into her wallet somehow?
-Or was she proud because her daughter was expressing herself, like only few would ever do?
HOW could a mother be proud of that...unless, she herself encouraged or taught that type of behavior. Is that where she saw her daughter at as a 20 year old woman? It couldn't be? Right?!?! Or is she just clapping and cheering because she's her mom...and that's what a mom does???!!!!
So this is where I start to questions myself....and realize, even Miley Cyrus raunchy VMA performance could most likely teach me a thing or two about mothering myself. Especially being a mother to a beautiful little girl who has a wide open world of paths to choose from. How do I assure that she takes the best path for her without screwing her up too much? How do I assure that she doesn't end up half naked on instagram, doing porn videos on vine or God forbid, grinding on Robin Thick on a tv awards show????
Every parenting book, blog and magazine article I have read strongly encourages you to make sure that you let your child express themselves. They constantly remind you that each and every child is there very own person so you must let them be who they are. However, the real truth is that although yes we are all our very own character, I believe our characteristics are learned. I don't believe my 16 month old daughter would insist on carrying a purse at this age if she didn't see her mother take hers every morning while walking out the door. I don't think she would be throwing fits because she doesn't have a bow in her hair if her mom (aka me) was more of a tomboy and didn't put so much emphasis on getting ready before leaving.
So there it is...although we are each our own person we do 100% learn how to become that person by our upbringing and those who are around us. I think as a parent my hand in who my children become as adults is heavier than I could have ever imagined...and that's where it gets scary!!!!!
How do I do this? How do I raise a daughter that stays on the straight and narrow, who is always nice to others, who realizes a man should be there to love you and not use you, who becomes independent without selling her soul to do so, who helps when needed and loves, loves unconditionally. In essence, how do I raise a daughter to do so much that I myself still don't know how to do and still haven't learned?
It's a scary thought...all this responsibility in my hands!!! And then what do I do if I screw it all up? What if I push too hard and she takes a different path and makes really bad decisions? At what point do I help and at what point do I walk away?? At what point do I give up or try to help more....what if it all just goes terribly wrong?!?!
So thanks to Miley Cyrus ridiculous VMA performance my anxiety about having a daughter in today's world has skyrocketed!!! It was definitely a wake up call to start watching my own actions and how my character is helping to develop my baby girls character and even though I think it was disgusting and ridiculous performance, for a single mom like me it definitely put me in check. Although, I still have no answers for any of my previous fears and worries, I do know starting today that my words and actions have to be those that I am okay with my children mimicking. And for that I thank you Miley! Thank you for making me realize how much influence I do have on who my kids become because much like your mother I want to stand and cheer for my daughter one day....but I'm definitely hoping it will be at her college graduation or a school play or really just anything much more tame than your VMA performance!