So here it is....New Years Eve! The holiday that I've loved for soooo long. The holiday I've prepared for so much in the past. The shopping for the perfect dress, the setting up of appointments to get my hair, nails and makeup done, the planning..the getting ready with girlfriends.....the rushing to find someone to kiss at midnight. I have such fun, fond memories of New Years Eve's past. I was always so excited to go to the big $100 ticket party where I had put in all this hard work to look just right...but then that work had all gone out the door 2 hours into the event when the open bar had won over and really myself and everyone else looked like nothing more than a sweaty hot mess who could barely open our eyes and stand up straight for pictures. Pictures that I had taken with my "best friend" who I probably met in the bathroom 30 minutes before and I would never see again...but hell I had 30 facebook pictures to prove how close we were that night. Oh the memories, as ridiculous as they sound now, I looked forward and was excited for each time
New Years Eve rolled around.
Now it's the last day of 2011... and here I am, preparing for a full day of work and then a trip out to my parents to see my son who gets back in town tonight after going on vacation with his grandparents for a week. The truth is I couldn't be more excited about this years plans. Sure they are much more calm, some would even say lame, than my past NYE plans...but they define who I want to be in 2012 more than any plans I have had in past years. I'm setting my goals high for 2012...and to many they may not seem lofty but for me they are what I want people to see me as.
So here it is.........My 2012 goal is as follows:
I want to be the most incredible, loving, thoughtful, fun, caring mother I can be to my children.
Yep that's it. I want a be an awesome mom! I know that should just be something that people want to do anyways. I shouldn't have to make it a "goal" but after much reflection through the past months...I can see where I have fallen short in almost every part of my job of being a mom. I can now see my weaknesses and I want to fix them. I can now see where I have let my own selfish ways deflect me from putting my son first and want to repair that right away. I know there have been times when my son wanted to do something as simple as play with play dough on a Friday night, but the thought of cleaning up the mess was beyond me after a 45 hour work week so I talked him into a movie instead (a parents lazy way of having a babysitter that you don't have to actually pay.) I want to be the mom that not only gets out the play dough...but also helps him build the clay transformer he saw on the box!! (but obviously bigger and better)
There have been times when a home cooked meal and a talk at the dinner table would have probably let him open up to me and us grow closer, but I opted instead to do McDonalds drive through...becaus I was "too tired" to cook. I want to be the mom that not only cooks the home cooked meal....but comes up with fun ways for him to help me so we it becomes a meal cooked with love!!
In 2012 I don't want focus on my own self induced misery or for it to have any affect on my son or my daughter (who will be here very shortly). I want to focus on the 2 gifts I've been given from God. I want to make memories with them that they will remember forever. I want them to never feel as though they are more unloved than other kids they go to school with b/c they are from a single parent household. I want them to know they can always come to me and that I will do EVERYTHING possible to take any pain away they may ever feel. I want them to know I'm their #1 supporter...and make their childhoods the most amazing childhoods a kid could ask for.
So maybe after all my goals are a bit high (at least for me). I know logically I'm never going to be the Martha Stewart of the PTA. I know I won't always have time to cook them 3 tier birthday cakes with matching napkins and goodie bags for their friends to take home. But I've decided if I shoot for "Mom of the Year" in 2012....I can't fall too far from the top! If I make up my mind now to put their needs in front of mine always, I will accomplish those goals most of the time.
So out with the old...sayonara 2011. In with the new....welcome 2012!! As fun as the party scene was in the past...there does become a point where we all have to grow up and this is my point!!! I'm accepting it and actually loving it. I can't wait to see what this year will hold for me and my little family....although this family I have created is very unconventional to many, watch for us this upcoming year, because we will be amazing and hopefully to some, at least just a few, we will also be very admirable!