We've all heard the expression
"Those that live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones..."
clearly meaning you shouldn't judge others unless you're perfect. But is this really even possible? I mean nobody is perfect, right??? (Well except maybe Victoria Beckham..aka Posh Spice, she does seem quite close to my idea of perfection). But I mean is it really even possible to not only be a non-perfect person but then also go through life without judging ANYONE, EVER???? It would seem as though being able to be non-judgmental would make you about as close to perfect as it gets, right???
(pretty close to perfect, right)
The truth is I've done my own very fair share of judging. I mean it's practically a survival method through high school. Learn to judge and agree w/the majority or become the very unpopular, unhappy, different, minority....and nobody wants that
(or at least I couldn't fathom that at the age of 16).
Then there is college. If you decide to take the sorority route as I did you get to experience first hand on your first week of adulthood out in the world on your "own", how truly judging people can almost become a game. Sorority rush week is like a rapid lesson on how others first opinions on you can really affect you. 2 minutes with some girl you've never met (who is probably pretty miserable herself and is looking for you to make her feel better about herself than really deciding if she wants to be what you'll call her "sister" for the next few years) can decide the future of your college years.
Then there is what they call adulthood. By now we're suppose to know better than to judge others, correct??? I mean as a nation we've become so obsessed with being "politically correct". Every expression we learned as a child has changed to a more accepted expression. We're no longer supposed to use the word 'midget'..it's now 'little people'. We shouldn't use the word 'retarded', rather now 'mentally challanged'. I mean there are a million expressions that have changed....and the very liberal outspoken part of me thinks this is absolutely the way it should be. But is it really how it is? I mean sure in a room full of 'little people' you're going to call them 'little people' but when you go home do you tell your friends or spouse that you just came from a room full of 'little people'...probably not. Most likely you say "i just spent my day with so many midgets". It's when we aren't being watched or judged ourselves that we feel as though it's okay to judge people...it's when we let our guards down from protecting ourselves from what people might think of us is when we really say what we think of others.
(I would brag if I got to hang out w/this fam..I just love them)
There are so many reasons that we judge people. As sad as it is...I believe there is always still that 14 year old inside of us that wants to be liked by as many people as possible. This is when majority opinion takes over personal opinion and while we may know what we are saying or just even laughing at may not be what we truly believe...but b/c it's the popular way to go we concede. I believe this to be the saddest reason of all to judge.
The past few months I have had a crash course lesson in learning the true affects of others words. Of course we all remember our mothers telling us to always remember the saying:
"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me".
But it's a lie! The truth is I made a decision (a very unpopular decision it would seem) a few months back to go ahead and not terminate my pregnancy (an issue I'll cover in my next blog..."To abort or not to abort.") that many did not think was the best decision for the situation at hand. However, I do believe I have made many decisions that many would not agree with through out my life, but this one seem to be the icing on the cake. The amount of words and judgemental comments that have been made both to me and behind my back (b/c you know that shit always finds it's way back to the person you were talking about) have been a tough pill to swallow. I was waiting for the part "...your words will never hurt me." But that never seemed to be the case. Truthfully, I would have rather you come to my house with your sticks and stones. I would rather be punched in the face until my nose was bloody than hear some of the awful things others think of me. As terrible as it is to say I would much rather be physically harmed........b/c at least then the doctors can tell you when it's going to heal. It's the emotional harm, the words that you've said that I've let go straight to my heart, that I've let get into my head, that I've let myself start to believe....and no doctor can tell you when that hurt is going to go away. The physical pain would be so much easier compared to the emotional. I mean after all nobody ends up in the morgue after a suicide b/c they got physically hurt....it's the emotional hurt that they couldn't control, that took over and that won in the end.
(if you ever get to this point...I beg of you to go here if you feel you have no other option:
Now where I go from here and what I take away from this is what I believe is really the lesson here. I can't change any ones opinion on me. I can't make people quit talking about and judging me. And I certainly have to find a way to overcome this...b/c the truth is all I can control is me. Somewhere in all of this there has to to be a test. Maybe it's a test of patience, a test of learning who I really am, a test of making sure I can be completely happy with who I am regardless of others opinions before I can move on to bigger and better things. No matter what the big picture lesson learned at the end of this is...for now I've learned that throwing stones is not for me. Sure I can't say I can go through the rest of my life without judging anyone. Sure I may look at a woman with Keds on and think "I didn't even realize those were still around"....but hey I'm going to try my very best to keep that opinion to myself b/c who knows maybe there is a story behind those keds like they were present from an orphan she helped find a new home (or maybe she just has terrible fashion sense) but either way it's not my place to judge her.
For now I'm going to set my sights on being able to maybe one day truly move into a glass house (theoretically...not really, think of a whole new set of problems that would cause...on the upside I probably wouldn't end up pregnant again).
I'm going to set my sights on being the person that if someone I know does hurt so bad emotionally they know they can come to me...b/c they know I won't judge them. I'm going to set my sights on the future and learning the stories behind why people do and say what they do before I quickly form my opinion or take others opinions on them.
Lucky for me, my crash course on dealing with peoples opinions have also taught me one more VERY important thing: I could never be a celebrity. If I can't handle the opinions of my former friends I sure as hell don't want to know what Ryan Seacrest thinks of who I'm dating or what Joan Rivers thinks of what I'm wearing, I'll leave that lifestyle to the Kardashians!!!
"If you live long enough, you’ll make mistakes. But if you learn from them, you’ll be a better person. It’s how you handle adversity, not how it affects you. The main thing is never quit, never quit, never quit."
Bill Clinton
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